


Thirty-Six Questions

by gingergenower



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, First Meetings, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Light Angst, M/M, POV? I don't know her, Pre-Relationship, Psychology, Romance, but there's absolutely 0 scary about the psychology it's cute I promise, photographer!alec
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-06
Updated: 2018-08-06
Packaged: 2019-06-22 22:27:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15592140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gingergenower/pseuds/gingergenower
Summary: In 1997, psychologist Aaron Aron conducted an experiment to see if strangers could fall in love: single volunteers were arranged into pairs, and they were asked to work through thirty-six questions and then stare into each other's eyes for four minutes.Alec and Magnus are paired together.





	Thirty-Six Questions

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lecrit](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lecrit/gifts).



> this is lecrit's idea and fault (although if it's bad, that's on me). thankyou lecrit!

Walking in from opposing doors, Magnus sees Alec before Alec sees him.

The corner of Magnus’ mouth curves up. The man’s tall, dark, _beautiful_ \- if this were a crowded bar, a club, strobe lighting and pulsing music and alcohol fizzing in his bloodstream, Magnus would already have too-warm hands on this man’s waist, murmuring something in his ear to make him shiver.

Magnus has always been romantic, but he hardly seeks it out; he agreed to this in nonchalant curiosity. He does believe in love. He’s just not sure he believes in this.

Alec swallows, making sure the door closes properly behind him. He’s not sure why, trying to resist the urge to rub his fingers with his thumb at his side, but he’s been nervous since he agreed to this. The point of psychological experiments are that the participants aren’t supposed to know what they’re being tested for, to avoid affecting the results, but his sister signed him up for it because one of her friends needed more of an age range of volunteers and told him flat out what would happen.

It’s Izzy’s fault, then, if he falls too hard.

He takes a deep breath, and turns, and the other man’s already walking to the table in the centre of the room, two chairs either side of it. The room’s bare but for the list of questions on the table and a one way mirror they can’t see through, but know they’re being monitored.

‘I’m Magnus,’ the man says, smiling, shrugging his blazer off and draping it carelessly over the back of his chair, taking the hand Alec holds out to shake.

Magnus has rings on half his fingers, nails painted black, and his maroon shirt tapers to his waist and emphasises his broad shoulders. Dark eyes, lined with kohl, flick down Alec’s body, back to Alec’s face, and Alec wants to just- stop, and take a photograph. Alec knows he’s the exact kind of man who wouldn’t take a second glance at Alec normally, but he can’t care when Magnus looks at him like that.

‘Alec,’ he says.

Both of them sit, Magnus relaxing back in the seat, Alec picking up the list and pretending to be interested in it. Magnus watches him for a moment, and he’s already a dichotomy- he has the physical size of a man who could be ruthlessly, insistently reckless, but Alec’s fingers touch the paper like it’s fragile. Magnus can feel the edges of his tension from across the table.

‘Are you alright?’ Magnus asks, gently.

‘It’s- weird,’ Alec says, bringing himself to look Magnus in the eye. ‘Talking when you know you’re being listened to.’

Magnus looks at the one-way mirror, feeling as though he’s breaking the fourth wall in theatre, and then back at Alec. ‘We could pretend we’re not being listened to. After all, it is only you and I in this room.’

Alec half smiles, clearing his throat. ‘Sure. Do you-?’

He offers the list, but Magnus holds a hand up in rejection. He’s more comfortable than Alec seems, and it’s hardly as though the list could have anything on it that would be truly difficult to answer.

‘You can ask first.’

Alec takes a deep breath, and then reads the first aloud. It’s easy enough- who would Magnus have over for dinner, undoubtedly Freddie Mercury- and Alec leans in, elbows on the tables as Magnus talks, smiling when Magnus calls him a “bisexual icon”.

‘So are you bisexual?’

Alec asks the question with less worry than Magnus thinks he would, comfortable with the question, so Magnus sits up and mirrors his body language.

‘I am. Are you?’

‘No, I’m gay,’ Alec says, a little bit of amusement in his voice. ‘I dated a girl, once, but… she wasn’t for me.’

‘Neither was my last girlfriend,’ Magnus says, winking, and Alec grins as Magnus returns the question.

Alec pauses, thinking for a moment. ‘Ok, so, there’s this book-’

Magnus has never heard of it, a novella out of print a few years back because it wasn’t hugely popular and the author never wrote anything else, but it’s based in New York. It’s autumn, a day in Central Park from an artist’s point of view. She’s painting a portrait, and she paints figures as they flit in and out of the scene, but there’s one couple there the whole afternoon.

The more Alec talks about the book, the more animated and passionate he gets, gesticulating with his hands and back-tracking and self-censoring halfway through sentences, trying not to spoil anything, and Magnus could listen to him talk about it for hours. Magnus reads when the mood strikes him, but books don’t make him feel like this, and Alec’s so bright and happy in talking about it he could be talking about building work on 52nd street and Magnus would find it fascinating.

When Alec’s done trying to explain how it’s so good without actually saying anything about it, Magnus teases him, gently. ‘It’s one of those pretentious books where nothing happens, isn’t it?’

Alec points a finger at him, pretending to be deadly serious. ‘Stuff happens, I just can’t tell you what. You have to read it.’

‘I probably won’t ever read it, you realise,’ Magnus says, fiddling with his ear cuff absentmindedly, smile genuine as he watches Alec, and Alec only shrugs.

‘I’m not risking it. There’s a small chance you might, one day.’

‘Are you always this sacred about spoilers?’

‘About this book? Yes.’

Magnus grins, shaking his head, and Alec bites his lip. He probably talked too much, but Magnus doesn’t seem to mind.

‘You know, you never actually answered the question.’

Alec glances down at the questions, and he’s already messing this up for the psychologists. ‘Right- yeah; the author of that book is who I’d want as my dinner guest,’ he clarifies, and then asks the next question quickly.

They keep getting caught up, side-tracked. Alec explains he hates making phone calls, because he hates not being able to see the face of the person he’s talking to. Magnus describes his perfect day; friends and good food and dancing, maybe in Mexico, because it’s next on his list of places to go.

Alec asks the last time he sang, and Magnus says in the shower this morning, loudly, and Alec isn’t surprised at all. He admits on the subway on the way here.

‘I’ve always got something stuck in my head,’ he says. ‘It’s my sister’s fault, we share an apartment and she _blasts_ her music in her room.’

‘What were some lucky commuters treated to this morning, then?’

‘I don’t even properly know the words- it’s some new Drake song? Erm… “hehe, do you love me? Are you riding?” …that one?’

Alec doesn’t fully try to sing, just enough to suggest the tune, and Magnus suppresses a smile. ‘It’s “ _Kiki_ , do you love me”, and… In My Feelings is the song title, I believe.’

‘Well, my sister played it four times last night,’ Alec says, rolling his eyes. ‘I love her, but… she sings along, and she can’t hold a tune.’

The closest Magnus has to a sibling is Ragnor, but they weren’t raised together, and he leans in. interested. ‘What’s her name?’

‘Isabelle,’ Alec says. ‘Izzy.’

‘Is she older or younger?’

‘Younger. She’s in her third year here, actually. She’s studying forensic pathology.’

‘That’s impressive,’ Magnus says, and Alec smiles, warm and small.

‘Yeah, she is.’

A few questions pass, exchanging stories, and Alec’s not sure if it’s because he knows what the experiment is about or because Magnus seems more interested in Alec than following the questions, but he feels drawn in. Magnus _sparks_.

Laughing at something else Magnus said, hardly paying attention as he reads it out, Alec catches both of them off guard with the next question. ‘If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?’

The smile slides off Magnus’ face, and Alec’s eyes close for a few seconds, but he takes a deep breath and forces himself to meet Magnus’ gaze for his answer.

It occurs to Magnus they’re being watched, but what they say isn’t being measured, and it doesn’t matter anyway. He’s never going to see Alec again. ‘My mom killed herself when I was eight. I wish she hadn’t.’

He can hear his own voice, and it’s so calm and level it’s like he’s commenting on inconvenient weather.

Alec stares at him. He reaches out a hand but Magnus pulls back, so he just stops halfway between them, the offer of holding his hand still there. ‘Magnus-’

‘And you?’ Magnus asks, refusing to drop his gaze.

After a few seconds, Alec seems to understand he won’t get any more out of him, and pulls his hands back to his chest. His right hand fidgets, fingers rubbing his thumb, and he looks at the table between them rather than Magnus. ‘I came out when I was sixteen. I wasn’t exactly a kid, but- my parents didn’t take it well. My mom… she’s better, now, but they still don’t-’

Magnus is listening, frowning slightly. Alec is not cool, but he’s never been cool and it’s not like it’s something he could ever hide, anyway.

‘-I haven’t had a boyfriend. Ever.’

Magnus swallows, careful. ‘How old are you?’ Somehow, in all this, they forgot to ask.

‘Twenty-three.’

Magnus is only three years older, but he suddenly feels those years like weights- and he reaches out this time, hand on the table between them, palm facing upwards in an offer. Alec takes it to stop fidgeting, long fingers clasping Magnus’ hand gently, and Magnus waits until Alec looks at him before he speaks.

‘Alexander, they might surprise you,’ Magnus says, soft, and Alec just shakes his head.

‘I’m not very good at love, anyway,’ Alec says, smile small and a little self-deprecating. ‘I’m so busy I don’t date much, and I’ve been with guys but I don’t honestly know what my parents would say if I tried to bring a guy home.’

Magnus hesitates. He understands those edges of nerves, now, why someone like Alec might be afraid of this kind of emotional intimacy, why he’s physically so restrained. He’s never experienced this romantically before.

Squeezing Alec’s hand softly, Magnus exhales. He already believes Alec’s a good person, so much gentleness couldn’t be in a man who didn’t deserve to be loved with everything the other person had. He doesn’t even seem aware of how unexpected he is.

‘Your sister, Isabelle. You love her.’

Alec frowns at the turn of the conversation. ‘Yes.’

‘She loves you?’

‘Yes.’

‘Then you already know how to love,’ Magnus says, gently. ‘And you must be good at it. As for your parents…’

Alec swallows, trying not to blink.

‘Whoever you take home, they should be happy that you’re happy. If they can’t, that’s on them, not you. You deserve to be loved.’

After a few seconds, Alec nods, but he doesn’t move to let go of Magnus’ hand. He’s not sure he can.

This is Izzy’s fault.

***

‘Is there something you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?’

‘I want to climb the pyramid of Giza,’ Magnus says, immediately, and Alec raises an eyebrow.

‘You know you could get arrested for that, right?’

Magnus shakes his head, grinning, leaning in. They’ve both stopped pretending to care about the questions or the test, more interested in using them to learn about each other. ‘I don’t care. Those guys went up a few years back, but I want to see it myself. Imagine sunrise. That’s a view even the pharaohs didn’t get.’

Alec nods, imagining it for a moment, Magnus in the first rays of light, skin gold, exhilarated and laughing in the face of getting arrested because he’s looking down at the whole of Cairo. ‘Why haven’t you done it yet?’

‘I travel a lot, I just haven’t got there yet,’ Magnus says. ‘What about you? What haven’t you done?’

Alec shrugs. ‘I… I’ve been meaning for a long time, to put a portfolio of my work together. I like photography, I want… one day, I want to try it as a career, but, I can’t right now.’

‘Why not?’

‘I have to pay the bills,’ Alec says. It’s as simple as responsibility. ‘My parents had enough money to pay our tuition for college, but we had to find money to live off. I did an accounting degree, Izzy can’t spare the time to work more than part time, so, until she graduates I’m working in consultancy.’

Magnus pulls a face, because the very idea that Alec’s trapped in a job as boring as that is honestly atrocious to him. ‘Consultancy?’

‘You can make a lot of money telling businesses how to make more money,’ Alec says, but his tone’s a little off. ‘The hours aren’t terrible, I’m good with numbers… and it’s only a couple of years.’

‘For your sister.’

‘It’s easier now- my brother used to live with us too, but he got a job and a girlfriend and they got their own place about six months ago, so we got a smaller apartment.’ Alec shrugs. ‘I’ve even got some savings.’

Magnus blinks, hopelessly lost in how oblivious Alec is to his own kindness. ‘Right.’

‘I’ll work on it, one day. Just not right now.’

He’s got half a portfolio. He likes people. He has Clary burrowed into Jace’s side on their couch, asleep, red hair in waves hiding her face. Jace is kissing her head, eyes closed himself. There’s Izzy on the F train in Brooklyn, holding onto the pole loosely, smiling at something outside the carriage. He’s got Max, laughing at something Alec’s said and looking right into the lens.

‘Are you any good?’

Alec wrinkles his nose. ‘I’m not terrible?’

Choosing not to challenge him on that, Magnus shakes his head, passing the list across. The conversation’s almost too easy, and if this were a date rather than a psychology experiment, it could be considered one of his biggest successes of the last three years.

But, it’s not a date. It’s not real.

Asking the next question, a little lighter, Magnus learns more about Alec, and gives his own stories in return. He explains he values mutual respect in his friendships more than anything else; Alec values loyalty. Magnus says, all too casually, Alec’s thoughtful, hardworking, kind, intelligent and sweet. Alec tries not to smile, telling Magnus he’s right (Magnus barks out a laugh, Alec’s eyes all the more bright in making him laugh), charming, witty, sharp, and gorgeous.

He says the last one with such certainty, holding Magnus’ gaze, hazel eyes slightly darker, Magnus is the one who looks away. Alec thinks of it as a fact, and Magnus can’t help but falter under that.

‘Thank you,’ he murmurs, and Alec only smiles.

‘It’s true.’

It’s because of the experiment. He won’t look at Magnus like that outside this room. Falling, like this, would be ridiculous. It can’t be more than infatuation, and if Alec returns that feeling, perhaps they could go on a real date and see, but this is entirely constructed, it’s artificial, it’s not _real_.

Alec reads the next question. ‘Complete the statement, “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”’

‘I…’ Magnus pauses, suddenly wishing he hadn’t volunteered to go first, and pulls back. Not so much it would be noticeable on a date, but in this sparse room, every move is loud.

Alec frowns slightly- it’s not even a hard question, he’s already said his mother killed herself, it’s not like admitting something that small is particularly profound- and yet.

Sometimes Magnus is certain he’ll never find what he wants, and sometimes he’s more afraid he will, because _Alec_ thinks he can’t love, but he’s never seen Magnus try to push someone away before. It’s all he seems to know how to do once someone cares, vulnerability and love a threat if he’s not careful.

‘Hey.’ It’s Alec’s turn to offer his hand. ‘Are you ok?’

Magnus swallows. It’s only an experiment. He could walk out and never see Alec again and it would be like he never met him, like he never said any of this out loud.

Alec’s leans in, eyes concerned. ‘We don’t have to do this anymore, if you don’t want to.’ Magnus is so obviously, suddenly uncomfortable, not looking at Alec. There’s some decision being made, and he feels helpless- Magnus is guarded, some hurt there he doesn’t understand, and he can’t make this easier on him, the point of this is honesty, if Magnus can’t-

Slipping his hand into Alec’s, Magnus’ gaze is steady as he answers. ‘I want someone I can share myself with.’

Alec almost flinches under the intensity of his vulnerability, the softness of his words, the hand holding his, but he doesn’t. Instead, he answers too. ‘I want someone I can share my life with.’

Is this what love is supposed to feel like-?

The next question could alleviate the tension, but Alec wants to make Magnus smile. It demands they tell each other something they find important the other know, if they were friends- drawing tiny circles on the back of his hand, Alec says he doesn’t know much about relationships, but he’s willing to put in the effort for people he loves.

Magnus points out that wasn’t the question- it was for a friend- but Alec shrugs.

‘I think it’s important you know,’ Alec says, and Magnus blinks. ‘Screw the rules.’

Trying not to smile, failing when he sees the corner of Alec’s mouth twitch, Magnus smirks. ‘I might make a rebel of you yet.’

‘I’ve always been a rebel, I just needed a cause.’

‘And I’m it?’

‘Is that weird?’

‘No.’

Alec licks his lips, grinning. ‘Good.’

God, Magnus wants to kiss him.

Instead, he admits he struggles to ask for help, as if Alec hadn’t already realised that.

A few of the questions are easier, but Magnus shakes Alec’s grip off in protest when they’re told to share embarrassing stories and Alec can’t stop giggling behind his free hand. He recounts the time he got stood up on a second date, hooked up with the bartender, and it turned out in the morning the bartender was his original date’s housemate.

‘Hey, no, I’m sorry,’ Alec says, trying to reach for Magnus’ hand, still snorting- it’s not even the story, it’s how disbelieving Magnus looks telling it. ‘Come back!’

Magnus rolls his eyes, letting him catch his hand again, and Alec holds it in both. ‘I’m not easily embarrassed, and I think they were both more embarrassed than me… but I have never encountered awkwardness like that in my life.’

In recompense, Alec tells Magnus about the first (and only) time he kissed a girl. He’s so difficult to say he blushes and can’t look Magnus in the eye, but it’s worth it to hear him laugh. He tries to pretend he never believed he was heterosexual.

The last five questions or so pass easily enough, earnestness laughter with a single comment, seriousness tender with a single glance. It could’ve been any other person sat across from Magnus and this wouldn’t have worked, but Alec-

Every second that passes the restrictions of trying to play the psychologist’s game is harder. He can’t help it, embellishing stories if he thinks it might make Alec smile more, the corners of his eyes crinkling in delight, not unaware Alec’s eyes keep flicking to his lips and back up again.

At one point, Alec watches their clasped hands, playing with Magnus’, and looks up at him through his eyelashes to smile, and Magnus forgets how to breathe.

Something shifted, after Magnus admitted what he wants, and he’s smiling more, more playful than witty, more relaxed than calm, more trusting. Alec tries not to react to it, but he can’t help but watch him more, _want_ him more. Magnus wants him back.

The last question is asking for advice, and Alec simply says Magnus should learn to use Google if he wants to find a good photographer, and they aren’t helping the students trying to do this experiment but they don’t care.

‘And what do you need advice on, Alexander?’ Magnus asks, and Alec watches him, a little seriously, and then sighs.

‘I want to kiss you.’

Blinking, Magnus swallows, hard, and reminds himself to keep breathing. ‘Maybe… wait until we’re not being watched by an unknown number of psychologists?’

Alec nods, but doesn’t say anything more- and there’s a timer on the table, and Magnus sets it going. They have to look each other in the eye for four minutes, in silence.

At first, it’s serious, holding each other’s gaze. Magnus tries to map every colour in Alec’s eyes, and Alec wonders if Magnus will ever understand what he’s done, just by being himself. It’s been less than two hours, and everything impossibly different.

Then, Alec realises Magnus isn’t blinking, and they have a staring contest until Magnus widens his eyes to make them stay open and Alec presses his lips together to try not laugh, shoulders shaking, and Magnus smirks, squeezing his hand.

Another minute passes, and it’s settled into something quieter. When the buzzer goes off neither of them look away for a moment, too caught up, but they both sigh, letting go of each other’s hands. Magnus pulls on his jacket, and Alec stretches, waiting for Magnus to meet him beside the table.

They haven’t been able to get this close since the beginning, and Magnus forgot he was that much taller than him, Alec forgot how graceful and effortless Magnus made movement look. Alec takes Magnus’ hand, kissing the back of it, eyes never leaving Magnus’.

His lips are soft, breath hot, and Magnus can’t help but rest his hand on Alec’s chest as he lets go of him, over his heart. ‘I’m so glad we met,’ he murmurs, perhaps too quiet for anyone else to hear, and Alec smiles, pressing over Magnus’ hand with his own.

‘See you outside.’

After a few more seconds, they finally part, and leave through their respective doors.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know if I like it sooo be nice pls


End file.
